singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
