Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm getting married
To pizza
I licked your asshole in confidence.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
