Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
