Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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