i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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