I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
