So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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