NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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