good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He did a backflip because drugs
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