he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There's always time for handjobs
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
