I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
