it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
