So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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