I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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