I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
