this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
