I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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