she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
