Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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