I can text with my tongue
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
