booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
