What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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