You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
