your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
