So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
