I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
