he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
