I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That accounts for only three of the penises
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
