Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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