I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
