know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
