I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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