You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
