Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
