What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
