last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
