I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
