Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
