I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
