He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
