you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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