she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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