pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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