Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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