I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
