I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
