People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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