finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
