My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
