somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
