Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
