im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
