I can tuck mytits in my pants
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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