Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
