she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
